Kola nuts are popular fruits in Western Africa. When I think of them, I imagine the scene in a Nollywood movie where it is served as an appetizer to a group of elders meeting at a chief’s or king’s house. More like a traditional snack for the elderly I would say and if you’re familiar with Nigerian (or West African) movies with traditional themes, you’ve definitely seen kola nuts. If not, you can learn more about it’s uses and benefits here and try watching a traditional Nollywood movie sometime.

This adages addresses envy, jealousy and all the baggage that come’s with it.  Wishing misfortune on someone who has done nothing to you or because he/she has progressed in some aspect of their life is wrong. Well, that sounds like a no brainer but what do we do when we find ourselves in such a situation? When we envy someone, we are so fixated on finding something, anything bad to pick out in them and guess what? You spend so much energy trying to find the faults in them and less energy working on and improving yourself. Sometimes you even find yourself disliking them for no reason at all. The funny thing is they are living their life while you’re wasting time, energy, and resources focusing on picking theirs apart. It won’t take you anywhere.

Acting out on jealousy (spreading rumors or being intentionally mean etc) is tricky because it will eventually come back to you so “do onto others as you would have them do onto you”. Okay, your kola nut tree might grow, bear fruits and end up being just fine. You might even forget the incident and things go well for several years but life has a funny way of pulling us over at odd (and usually high) times. Oh hey, that sounds so much like karma, right? Don’t expect to grow or improve if you only have negative things to say about people around you.

 It’s important to realize that everyone is moving through life at different paces so stop comparing someone else’s chapter twenty with your chapter one. Whenever I find myself feeling envious of someone I just remember the wise sayings someone once told me; “Why would I[you] be angry at God for being so generous to his children with his gifts?” Isn’t that what jealously is? Believing and disliking the fact that someone is more favored or luckier than you are? Feeling bad that “great” things are happening to them and not you? It’s even worse when you thinking something along the lines of  “I worked harder” or “my work is better” but hey, stop with the comparisons and don’t judge. If it was your time, YOU would be the person being celebrated. There is a time for everything and I believe there is an infinite amount of blessings/awesomeness to go around. Focus on you.

Jealousy is an emotion and as humans we will feel it from time to time but what matters is not allowing it control our actions and thoughts. Take a step back and really ask yourself, why am I feeling this way? Does it really matter? Is it because A gets more likes on her Instagram photos than I do? Or B has a boyfriend and I don’t? Or C didn’t even put that much effort into the project but still had an A? A lot of times, the reasons lack substance. So instead of sulking over someone else’s promotion or fortune, celebrate with them if it’s something worthy of celebration. This is important because there are people who are “celebrated” for not-so-good reason. Always stay true to yourself. Don’t do something that deviates from your nature just because you want to be noticed. If there’s a great story behind the success, learn and be inspired by it. Let it motivate you. If not, bye Felicia! You don’t need it because it most likely won’t add value to your life anyways. Great minds think alike so surround yourself with great people. If the circumstance seems unfair, I believe things happen for a reason so as difficult as it sounds, let go and live your life. Your time too will come.

Care for YOUR own kola tree instead of plotting ways to cut down others’.

What are your thoughts on jealousy? How do you deal with it? Share in the comments below!

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