Ika Adage #11: Slapping Fig Trees I know it’s weird imagining a fig tree plotting to slap passers-by to oblivion but never getting around to it because plants are one of the nicest creatures on the planet. Right? Or maybe they just have a supernatural dose of self control, haha! How can they harbour such contempt towards us humans? Or do they? They certainly look like they do with their large sizes and thick over-extending branches. It’s definitely an intimidating looking tree… but to slap someone. It’s not that deep. Before you get started, look at a couple of fig trees to get a better imagery in your head. I really like this adage because it portrays what fear does to us. When we’re afraid to try new things, take (sensible) risks, of the unknown etc, it’s easy to concoct all types of assumptions and excuses as to why you shouldn’t give “that thing” a shot. Have you ever been in a situation where you’re so scared to try something, it almost seems impossible but when you eventually do, you realize “That was so bad after all.”. That is the barrier of fear and doubt. It prevents you from even trying at all. Sometimes I get in my head and over-speculate situations, psych myself out and end up dropping it. A personal example, I modeled this year for the first time in a fashion show for an on campus organization and of course, we had to audition prior to it. So, the thing is I wasn’t familiar with walking runways so it was a new experience.You’re probably thinking but you’ve posed for the camera a million times and can walk in heels but I promise you, fashion blogging and modelling aren’t the same thing. They’re similar yes, but they’re different. Anyways, I was nervous out of my braids and I almost didn’t go to the auditions because the thought of walking (in heels) in front of an actively watching crowd had my ears burning. Oh, my ears get hot when I’m overly excited or nervous, hehe. I had all these images running through my head, I thought I would break a leg (literally) or fall or do something utterly silly. I was freaking out to my friends and they assured me I was being a purple and orange frog and I’d be fine. I was and I had the same “Wow, Ashan-wa you’re so over dramatic, it wasn’t that deep” epiphany. There are so many things I want to do and even when I know this, there’s doubt as to whether I should. I know a lot of people feel this way so you are not alone. Fear and doubt robs you of amazing opportunities. I know I’ve fallen prey to this several times but it is an experience. Just do it even though you don’t feel the most prepared or qualified because if you don’t all you’ll have left is regrets and what ifs.It’s a really crappy feeling. I think in quotes so another quote that concisely summarizes this one goes “Feel the fear and do it any way because it might not be too late now but one day, it will be” and I don’t know who wrote it. I hope you’ll be encouraged to push yourself out of your comfort zone more often. It’s easier said than done… like most things in life so breath more, think less and JUST DO IT! If that doesn’t work, you can ask a fig tree to slap you but honestly, you’ll be fine. What’s one thing you REALLY want to do but haven’t been able to because of whatever? For me, I’d really like to dye my hair deep blue or purple… Or get highlights in those colors! Share yours down below! Always, Miss LAJA
Ika Adage #10: Smelly Mouths True or nah? It’s okay if a close friend or an immediate family let’s you know… in a private place… when you’re alone… and can actually do something about it AKA re-brush, chew gum or the likes BUT what if that’s not the case? Maybe you’re on an outing, no not just any outing but a date (it is Valentine’s season, you know) and, and, you know, a little someone isn’t co-operating after everything’s SUPPOSEDLY laid; hair, make-up, outfit. Really? Of all the times it could happen, it’s now. Geez, can’t an in-di-vi-du-al have it all? Okay, this adage might sound funny but I like to think that it’s talking about the importance of having genuine people who will let you know the truth no matter the circumstance. Whether it sounds good or not and whether you want to hear it or not. It makes sense right? A relative, your siblings for example, would tell you if your mouth was smelling if it’s the genuine truth or they’re just being well, siblings. I know mine do and yes, it’s really annoying but on the long run you’re saving individuals you’ll encounter money they would spend on buying painkillers to deal with the damages caused by your face hole. Come on, be nice. Thye’re paying for the damages and they’re the victims. Amongst my family (2 parents and 4 siblings), if anyone’s mouth is smelling and they happend to be “sniffed”, the charged individual goes through a trial where the judges (aka other members of the family) do the “whiff-and-unblock-your-nose test” and if he or she is charged guilty, they’re sentenced to re-brushing and/or being made fun of the whole day forever. I’m not even kidding, the struggle is real but they have my back so I can’t complain so much, haha. Seriously, I can’t stress the importance of exercising quality over quantity in every aspect of your life especially when it comes to deciding who gets to be a part of your life. People you mingle with do rub off on you and it sucks being amongst people you can’t be yourself with or being in one-sided relationships. Or being with people who resemble chameleons (figuratively but you can take it literally if you like, hehe) because they are just too fake. It takes two people to have a relationship; it’s a give and take and if you’re always on the giving end and not getting anything in return, it’s very draining. If you are fortunate to have friends who genuinely care about you, appreciate them and don’t take them for granted. Give them your best because they deserve it. How do you know a genuine friend? It’s simple. They’ll tell you when your mouth stinks, wreaks and is contributing significantly to global warming. Yes, yes, using a more toned down approach but you have to be careful because you don’t want a “friend” that only points out your weaknesses or attacks you for the slightest mistakes. Those “frenemies” in my opinion are the deadliest but that’s a post for another day. In as much as these genuine individuals tell you the harsh, painful truth, they will also support, motivate and let you snot-cry on them when you feel like toilet paper (sorry toilet paper). They’ll stick around during the great and not-so-great times and that’s something to look out for in an individual. I believe being selective about the people in your life (romantically or other) says a lot about you as a person. It shows that you know your value and aren’t willing to just settle for anyone. No, it’s not wrong to be selective because it does save a lot of heartache and wasted time. Valentine’s season isn’t only for celebrating romantic and passionate love with your significant other (but if you have one, what are your plans? Tell meee) but also to celebrate kick-ass friendships, lovely family members and just having the opportunity to have people walk with you on your journey as you do on theirs Remember, there are some people who would appreciate having someone to show they care. By just being there, you know? It could be rendering your service to someone in need and there are several ways to show you care without having to spend mon-ayyy (no oppositions to that though). If you’re single, I wrote some V-Day posts last year that make me want to cry (find out why here) but regardless, I still love them and I believe you will too! What I appreciate the most in any relationship is time and loyalty and I don’t think I’m alone on this one. Gifts are great don’t get me wrong but there’s nothing like someone giving up their time and staying loyal to YOU. Because YOU is worth it. Wow, that sounds so ratchet, haha! Taking the wise words of this adage, be a smelly mouth detector to your loved ones today. They will thank you… Just tell them nicely… or nah. What’s your take on this adage? How else would you interpret it? PS, I’m falling asleep with excitement for the next post! Yes, it’s Valentine’s themed and it’s going to be something different so watch out for it! Oh mah gadd! PS,PS, It’s my baby sister’s birthday today! She turns 7! Happy Birthday, Kiki! #AsianTigerOfLife Lots of Love, Miss LAJA
Ika Adage #9: Ground If water is spilled on a porous or non-porous surface, it’s guaranteed that the water will disappear after a certain period. I believe this adage is referring to things that are out of our control because they just are. Yes, the water goes somewhere but is there anything we can do to stop or reverse it? Nope. They could either seep into the ground or evaporate into the air but do we see what “path” each molecule takes as it breaks away into the air or rushes towards Earth’s core? The paths are limitless! Thus, the minute details are not so necessary because they are subject to change depending on the condition; in this case temperature, size of the puddle etc. We know that due to funky scientific reasons, the water goes into the ground and/or into the air. So what does this have to do with anything? Well, it does apply to you in the sense of worry about the future; the unknown. Sometimes you just get so hell-bent on trying to figure out what path your life is going to take down to the tiniest detail. At least I know I do but the truth is though you might have a grand plan, the future is so flexible that you never really know how things will turn out. You might have a solid idea and know how you want to go about it but you still never really know, you know? (see what I did there?) A ridiculously simple analogy; next week Tuesday I know I would like to have breakfast because I love breakfast and I might have a strong idea of what, when, where and with who I’ll have breakfast but that could change. Now tell me, is it worth stressing about the really tiny details like who I’ll bump into on my way there or where I’ll sit? Again I might have an idea but it’s flexible and oh-so-subject to change. The game plan is I want breakfast next week Tuesday but I might end up having breakfast for dinner or lunch or eating something new other than my usual. So should I refuse to have breakfast because they had boiled eggs instead of scrambled eggs? Or I was meant to meet up with Xerxes but Damon ended up joining as well? It’s a journey with endless paths but one destination. Relating it to college life where there’s pressure to know what you want to do with your life, you will find yourself adding, subtracting, realigning and discovering your interests along the way. Your big or little picture will change subtly or drastically. You might come in working towards becoming a pediatrician treating axolotls (because they’re beautiful) in Venus but across the line you’re like nah, you prefer Mars… and algae-eating leopard fishes. I know, completely different planets and organisms! And if you’re someone like me that strongly prefers having things planned to the littlest details, then this situation could be VERY uncomfortable. But, it’s okay because change is good… sometimes. As young adults (and humans), we are constantly evolving so while it’s okay to freak out, use it as an opportunity to examine yourself from a different perspective. Explore a completely new side of yourself and with this discovery realign your big picture. Try being a little more flexible and open because it’s an important part of the college experience. So, as spectators of this puddle on the ground, we might know the general info on the travels of our dearest H2O friends but you can’t and don’t have to “see” the mouth that carries them from the ground. The water might travel different paths each time and end up in different places. They might not know what their journey holds but we both know one thing; it will leave the ground. Wow, such an un-spontaneous climax but we don’t want to worry about that, now, do we? This is my twist on it but I’m 1000% sure there are multiple sides that I didn’t touch on! So, share in the comments below and let’s start a convo! And yes, I LOVE axolotls and algae-eating leopard fishes! Always, Miss LAJA
Ika Adage #7: Shadows I’d like to see you try though. Don’t worry I’ll wait here till you’re done. 3,2,1… This adage isn’t challenging you to literally do the impossible but if you tried, A for effort but… You can’t outrun your shadow. Sorry. As long as you’re in contact with any sort of light and it casts on a surface, a shadow will always and forever form. Even inanimate objects have shadows; lamps, drinks, chocolate. No one and nothing is above it. On the contrary, it is addressing our fears, doubts, and insecurities; those things we don’t necessarily like to talk about but seems to be on our mind a tad too often. It could be a bad habit or an addiction. Whatever it is, no matter how big or small, it’s just always there. The bad news is that it will always be there if you don’t do something about it. The good news? You’re not alone and something can be done about it. Everyone has things that take a stab at their confidence but instead of trying to outrun it, why not face it head on? How are my outrunning your shadow you ask? By masking it with a facade, being in self denial (one of the worst things you can do to yourself in this life),the list goes on and on. Sometimes people turns to “temporary” means like alcohol and drugs to try and forget the situation but guess what? The shadow doesn’t go away. It will always be there if you choose to do nothing about it. While you’re busy avoiding the problem, this shadow could use the opportunity to fester and root itself deeper within you. Do yourself a favor, turn around and face it. I know it’s wayy easier said than done because overcoming fear or a habit takes a lot of effort and in short, it’s hard. But remember that you don’t have to do it alone. Ever. Go to someone you trust and share your burdens with them. Let it all out. I am Christian so I believe God is the ultimate problem solver because nothing is too big for him. Hard times are a part of life and they WILL pass. A problem shared is a problem half solved so quit wasting your energy trying to outrun something you know deep down you can’t outrun. It’s unnecessary time and energy wasted. We live in a society of competition. Everyone is trying to put their best foot forward and no one wants to be the “weak” person that can’t keep up or seems like they’re struggling. I can really relate to this because of the kind of school I attend. I grateful to attend Duke University and I’m not trying to brag but it is a top notch school and I’m surrounded by extraordinarily intelligent people all day, every day. Talk about pressure. For some strange reason, there is an underlying pressure to take (and excel in) super hard classes, be president of two clubs, play a varsity sport, do research in Dfbjdglgrtgret to hopefully discover rgbfdlsbf AND still have a banging social life. Most importantly, it needs to seem “effortless”. While I’m not saying there aren’t people with similar responsibilities who do fine, most times there is the pressure to not want to let people know that you’re struggling or that you need help at some point. But realistically speaking it’s complete puffpuff because hard work DOES take EFFORT no matter how “brush-off-the-shoulder” the final results seem. Effortlessness to an extent takes effort. Think about models on the runway for example. How much goes on behind the scenes but when you see them, FLAWLESS (Beyonce reference heree, haha) as if nothing happened. So why put yourself under such pressure? No one is perfect. It’s okay to break down and admit “Yes, I need help”. Who knows, this same all rounded person could also be suffering from a personal crisis or addiction or what not but doesn’t want to let in anyone so their image isn’t tarnished. After all, you choose what you want to show people, right? I’m not saying you should display your insecurities to the whole world for a pity party but don’t allow yourself drown in inner turmoil because of pride. Never let your reputation define who you are as a person. I digressed a tad but my point is to first of all acknowledge you have a problem because there is nothing worse than knowing something’s wrong but refusing to admit it. When you do, reach out for help because no matter what you’re going through, there are countless people who have (and are) going through same thing… In a lot of cases, even worse. You might be dead but you’re not. I’m taking a class that is focusing on refugees in Central and Northern Africa and when I read the accounts of their journeys to host countries, I was more than humbled and grateful. I always say, the “struggle is real” but that’s just child’s talk. For real, there are people out there that I have so much respect for and we will probably never meet. There are even more people with profound stories that have (and will) never been publicized by media. If you’re reading this right now, count yourself blessed. Stop running. Don’t let your shadows engulf you. They are shadows for a reason. What do you think? How do you deal with your insecurities or personal struggles? Share in the comments below! Always, Miss LAJA
Ika Adage #6: Firewood We all know how important firewood was (and still is) in the African culture. You could learn more background info from the fire adage. This adage applies to a lot of things in life from work to relationships etc but I’m going to relate it to school since well, it’s that time of the year. As young adults, we are at the stage where we’re “gathering firewood”. When night time comes, will you have enough to keep yourself warm? Or will you go begging others to lend you some? Don’t forget others are struggling to gather theirs as well. While there are a select few people who will genuinely share their wood with you, most won’t. It’s like film trick. Are your actions portraying that of a person will who will be confident in their efforts? As teenagers or young adults whichever you are, we are blessed to have time on our side and I’ve been told countless times by my parents that NOW is the time to build your foundation for the future. It’s a one time chance. Once you’ve missed it, you’ve missed it and it’s never coming back. Unfortunately, time waits for no one.You don’t need to know straight up what you want to be down to the smallest detail but whatever point in life you’re in, work hard. I mean, work like mad. Just do your best. Like everything in life I believe whatever is worth doing is worth doing well no matter how small. School‘s about to start and you might be happy, sad, nervous, or all of the above and that’s fine but be on top of your game from DAY ONE. Organize and prioritize work and play. Don’t leave things till last minute because if you don’t “gather your firewood” during the day AKA do your homework, go to class, work hard then you will hardcore freeze at night it won’t even be funny. God forbid, I wish that for no one so before I get carried away, I have a post you should check out where I go in-depth on handling the hassles of school life. Believe it or not (you better believe), the decisions you make today really do stick with you. Forget what other people are doing and do you regardless of what anyone has to say. You shouldn’t follow what everyone is doing because you’re afraid to stand alone. Why? In the end you will be the one to answer and face the consequences of your decisions. In the end you’re picking your firewood and the other person is picking theirs even when you decide to pick together. Yes, it’s easier said than done but practice makes perfect. Start picking. I was randomly looking at internships for next summer (what? it’s never too early) and while filling out the online form, they asked me for my SAT and ACT scores. Would you believe my shock? It’s been what, 2 years since I last smelt the dark and scary prison cells of the exam rooms (yes, I really did hate subject tests) and it just won’t leave me alone. You see where I’m coming from? Even with your relationships with people. You never know, that person you were once mean or nice to might be the person you’ll need to turn to for help. You could save a life using the CPR skills you learnt once upon a time. You just never know. Life works in mysterious ways. My point is… Work HARD. Stay humble. Gather your firewood. Treat everyone with respect. Be YOUR best. Be YOURself. Pray. Fill your mind and heart with positivity. And just live…in the woods with your bonfire. As this new school session starts and you journey through life, may you be the best firewood gatherer you can be… Always, Miss LAJA
Ika Adage #5: Flies Quick Update: Thank you to everyone that voted for me in the Sarah P Duke “Water” themed photo contest! We won and I couldn’t be more grateful! Love you guys! *doing the happy dance* Doesn’t this sound like something an African parent would tell you while disciplining you for misbehaving? Let’s imagine a typical scenrio. A koboko in one hand while pulling in an exaggerated manner on their left ear which technically means YOU should open your ears because… *insert typical tone of an angry African parent with appropriate gestures and body language* “The stubborn fly (you) that fails to listen to the master follows the corpse to the grave. I hope you have heard? Ehen!” In the African culture it was (and still is) a taboo to question or disobey your elders because there is a strong correlation between age, wisdom and respect. In a not so short phrase, you must respect your elders not because they are always right but because they have been on this Earth longer than you have therefore they are wiser which technically always makes them right. I know, can a youngster ever win? My fellow Africans can attest to the consequences when you fall out of line… It’s like digging your own grave. Hmm, and there will be blood o! This adage is counseling people especially youths to heed to the advice given by parents or elderly figures knowing that (most times) they are right and good parents always have your best interest at heart. Being older and often wiser, they are in a better position to impact on you words of wisdom that could help you better navigate this roller coaster we call Life. Experiences can (and do) make us wiser but in some situations, it is better to learn from lessons of others especially those situations that are negative and hard to “bounce back” from. A child who is counseled over and over again but fails to listen CANNOT say he/she wasn’t told when he/she suddenly finds him/herself in the same situation their parents/elders were trying to protect them from. As the saying goes, “You can force a horse to the river but you cannot force him to drink.” All in all, no matter the relationship you have with your parents and how much you feel like screaming or cussing them out (be careful on this one) especially if you didn’t get your way in something or you’re being punished. Remember they do love you and good parents want the best for you. Trying seeing from their point of view why they did what they did or said what they said. Give them some credit. They are more knowledgeable in life issues and want to protect you from making silly mistakes. Mistakes they might have made themselves, who knows? When I think about all the things my parents told me and I would sulk and moan like crazy back then, now I really get where they were coming from. Sometimes, we just need to mature more to really “see” things. It’s one thing for your parents to be “too tough” on you and another thing if they leave you unguided and you end up saying in regret “I wish I knew” or “I was never told”. Which would you prefer? Even If they flogged or insulted your life, take a step back and think about why they did or said what they did. Just swallow it. You’ll be surprised, they make the best childhood stories. Haha! Flies already have it tough for real but like my hostel matron once said, “may we not lead ourselves to our destruction.” Keep quiet, listen and think. Thoughts, anyone? Share in the comments below! Always, Miss LAJA
Ika Adage #4: Fire Back in those days when there were no gas or electronic cookers, the primary way of cooking was with fire wood (a much smaller version of a bonfire). Since there were no fire extinguishers either, after the wood had been taken out, one would blow out the fire with their mouth or water was sprinkled on it. Now, here’s the tricky part with using water. When you sprinkle a little on the fire, it is aggravated first before it starts to die out. So, you can imagine trying to put out fire (made with fire wood) with water from your mouth. Yup, it’s never going to happen. Okay, let’s try imagining this situation. Firstly, you’ll most like NOT put out the fire and secondly, you’ll wet yourself or choke on the water. What if it was a life or death situation… Ha! We know what’s going to happen there. You remove the water from your mouth THEN blow out the fire. Simple, right? In real life, it makes more sense to tackle a challenge or goal before advancing onto the next. Taking things one step at a time to avoid overwhelming yourself. While it is not against multitasking, it does advice against doing tasks that contradict one another. For example; attempting to sprint with a huge backpack on your back and full hands. Or trying to inhale and swallow at the same time. In order to achieve the most from your tasks, there must be order. Organization, setting your priorities, taking things one step at a time.Indeed the power of organization. I can really relate to this because I have those days (we all do) where I just have so much on my plate and I think “Yup, I’ve got this” and I’m juggling 5 things at a time, feeling like a boss then it gets to a point where I realize “No, I don’t got this” and I see I haven’t really gotten much done and all I want to do is just dive into bed and sleep my responsibilities away. If only that were a good option. While this seems pretty obvious, there are times (eg school) when we unknowingly find ourselves trying to put out a fire with water in our mouth. Guilty. And that’s fine. Take things slowly and figure out your priorities. It helps having people who remind you to take a break when you don’t remember yourself. Avoid doing things doing things that contradict themselves. Just remember to take a step back, breathe, spit out the water… No, spit out the water first, breathe THEN try putting out the fire. Or you could get a bucket. Or just run. What do you do when you’re feeling overwhelmed? Share in the comments below! Always, Miss LAJA
Gele Chronicles: Purple The 3rd look in my gele series! Purple, another one of my favorite colors! I decided to match it up with gold and silver, hence the gele and the jewelry. What do you think?’ Check out the 1st and 2nd look in this series! Which is your favorite so far? Tell me in the comments below! Makeup and Gele: LAJA Styles Jewelry: Fulfill Jewelry Always, Miss LAJA
Ika Adage #3: The Sun The sun portrays a prime example of persistence and consistency. It completes its journey from the East to the West without rest every single day for as long as God wants it with no complaints. Thinking about it, the sun has a huge responsibility. Do you know how many things depend on it for survival? Plants, humans, the solar system etc. It’s no surprise the sun has a huge responsibility in the existence of things known and unknown. Why? Because the sun is a star and “to whom much is given, much is expected” Imagine Earth without the sun? Or what if the sun stops halfway due to obstruction from the wind or it was “too tired” to rise. Relating this to humans, you should always strive to complete the goals you set for yourselves and whatever you do, do it with consistence despite the challenges you are/will face. Or don’t you think the sun has it’s own challenges? Clouds, thunder storms, eclipses but even with these obstacles, it always makes it to the end. I don’t think the sun has any “motivation” to keep shining or even knows how much is at stake if it decides to slack. The sun doesn’t have any shoulder to cry on when it’s having a bad day and vacation doesn’t exist in its dictionary. Talk about the pressure! But it still keeps doing its thing, consistently So the next time you set a goal and are clouded with worry and/or fear of the challenges you might face, always remind yourself of the prize, the light at the end of the tunnel. Stay consistent. Stay persistent. It doesn’t matter how fast or slow you’re moving AS LONG AS you’re moving. You will weather the storm and like the sun, reach your final destination. No one ever said it’d be easy but If the sun does what it does without any support, you’re in a much better place. Find what motivates you. Hold on to God. Surround yourself with positive people and things. Get going and like the sun, shine bright no matter what.
Ika Adage #2- Stones Everything has its limits. Now, I’m not being pessimistic but while life has so much to offer, certain things will never change and too much of something (even good things) is bad. If you spill hot water on your bare skin, you will get burnt. No matter how much you try to run someone down, it won’t stop them from shining. If you eat too much sugary food, you will get sick. If you put in effort into a goal, you will see results even if it takes time. If you’re hungry, you need to eat. Smoking will never add value to your health no matter how “refined” it becomes. Night will always follow day (and vice versa) Some things in life are the way they are and cannot be changed (except through divine intervention) no matter how hard you try. It goes for good and bad things. A particular action will always yield the same result. That’s just life and this isn’t a pessimistic adage, it’s a realistic one. Do you have more examples of inevitable things in life? Let your thoughts run loose in the comments below. Always, Miss LAJA