Ika Adage #10: Smelly Mouths True or nah? It’s okay if a close friend or an immediate family let’s you know… in a private place… when you’re alone… and can actually do something about it AKA re-brush, chew gum or the likes BUT what if that’s not the case? Maybe you’re on an outing, no not just any outing but a date (it is Valentine’s season, you know) and, and, you know, a little someone isn’t co-operating after everything’s SUPPOSEDLY laid; hair, make-up, outfit. Really? Of all the times it could happen, it’s now. Geez, can’t an in-di-vi-du-al have it all? Okay, this adage might sound funny but I like to think that it’s talking about the importance of having genuine people who will let you know the truth no matter the circumstance. Whether it sounds good or not and whether you want to hear it or not. It makes sense right? A relative, your siblings for example, would tell you if your mouth was smelling if it’s the genuine truth or they’re just being well, siblings. I know mine do and yes, it’s really annoying but on the long run you’re saving individuals you’ll encounter money they would spend on buying painkillers to deal with the damages caused by your face hole. Come on, be nice. Thye’re paying for the damages and they’re the victims. Amongst my family (2 parents and 4 siblings), if anyone’s mouth is smelling and they happend to be “sniffed”, the charged individual goes through a trial where the judges (aka other members of the family) do the “whiff-and-unblock-your-nose test” and if he or she is charged guilty, they’re sentenced to re-brushing and/or being made fun of the whole day forever. I’m not even kidding, the struggle is real but they have my back so I can’t complain so much, haha. Seriously, I can’t stress the importance of exercising quality over quantity in every aspect of your life especially when it comes to deciding who gets to be a part of your life. People you mingle with do rub off on you and it sucks being amongst people you can’t be yourself with or being in one-sided relationships. Or being with people who resemble chameleons (figuratively but you can take it literally if you like, hehe) because they are just too fake. It takes two people to have a relationship; it’s a give and take and if you’re always on the giving end and not getting anything in return, it’s very draining. If you are fortunate to have friends who genuinely care about you, appreciate them and don’t take them for granted. Give them your best because they deserve it. How do you know a genuine friend? It’s simple. They’ll tell you when your mouth stinks, wreaks and is contributing significantly to global warming. Yes, yes, using a more toned down approach but you have to be careful because you don’t want a “friend” that only points out your weaknesses or attacks you for the slightest mistakes. Those “frenemies” in my opinion are the deadliest but that’s a post for another day. In as much as these genuine individuals tell you the harsh, painful truth, they will also support, motivate and let you snot-cry on them when you feel like toilet paper (sorry toilet paper). They’ll stick around during the great and not-so-great times and that’s something to look out for in an individual. I believe being selective about the people in your life (romantically or other) says a lot about you as a person. It shows that you know your value and aren’t willing to just settle for anyone. No, it’s not wrong to be selective because it does save a lot of heartache and wasted time. Valentine’s season isn’t only for celebrating romantic and passionate love with your significant other (but if you have one, what are your plans? Tell meee) but also to celebrate kick-ass friendships, lovely family members and just having the opportunity to have people walk with you on your journey as you do on theirs Remember, there are some people who would appreciate having someone to show they care. By just being there, you know? It could be rendering your service to someone in need and there are several ways to show you care without having to spend mon-ayyy (no oppositions to that though). If you’re single, I wrote some V-Day posts last year that make me want to cry (find out why here) but regardless, I still love them and I believe you will too! What I appreciate the most in any relationship is time and loyalty and I don’t think I’m alone on this one. Gifts are great don’t get me wrong but there’s nothing like someone giving up their time and staying loyal to YOU. Because YOU is worth it. Wow, that sounds so ratchet, haha! Taking the wise words of this adage, be a smelly mouth detector to your loved ones today. They will thank you… Just tell them nicely… or nah. What’s your take on this adage? How else would you interpret it? PS, I’m falling asleep with excitement for the next post! Yes, it’s Valentine’s themed and it’s going to be something different so watch out for it! Oh mah gadd! PS,PS, It’s my baby sister’s birthday today! She turns 7! Happy Birthday, Kiki! #AsianTigerOfLife Lots of Love, Miss LAJA
Kente Greetings from the villagee! I can’t believe it’s already Christmass! I am spending mine with my family and extended family in my village in Delta State. I haven’t been back in about four years or so and it hasn’t changed all that much. I really enjoy my stay here because it’s cold and there are no mosquitoes! Woop woop! This kente dress goes wayyy back. I’ve had it for a really longtime like dating back to the secondary school days and FINALLY I have filled it in properly *wink wink*. Kente is a Ghanian print by the way so yes, outfit one of two I will be rocking on Christmas dayyy. How/Where will you all be spending Christmas? Happy Christmas Eve! Stay grateful and I’m sending lots of love your way! Always, Miss LAJA
LAJA Unseen #2 If you don’t know what’s happening, read this. For those of you who do, enjoy! Check out my Instagram (@miss_laja) for the name of the pose above. Hahaha! The “okay, I guess you have a point” pose The “this food has too much pepper, I never h’esspered it” OR the ” but who sent you?!” pose The “Michael Jackson taught me. Owww!” pose The “shakey shakey” pose The “it’s by force CHEESE” pose The “Uhunn but I know you’re lying” pose The “hold up, I’m answering calls on my blue tooth earpiece” OR “I really can’t deal with this anymore” pose The “Chai, I shouldn’t have gone bald now I want to cry but I must rock the look by force” pose The “where is the food I ran all this way for?” OR the “my food just spilled. Is life fair?” pose The “I’m too fly to talk to you” pose The “I guess I like you too, buddy” pose The “plucking flowers from a flower-less tree” pose Always, Miss LAJA
Ika Adage #9: Ground If water is spilled on a porous or non-porous surface, it’s guaranteed that the water will disappear after a certain period. I believe this adage is referring to things that are out of our control because they just are. Yes, the water goes somewhere but is there anything we can do to stop or reverse it? Nope. They could either seep into the ground or evaporate into the air but do we see what “path” each molecule takes as it breaks away into the air or rushes towards Earth’s core? The paths are limitless! Thus, the minute details are not so necessary because they are subject to change depending on the condition; in this case temperature, size of the puddle etc. We know that due to funky scientific reasons, the water goes into the ground and/or into the air. So what does this have to do with anything? Well, it does apply to you in the sense of worry about the future; the unknown. Sometimes you just get so hell-bent on trying to figure out what path your life is going to take down to the tiniest detail. At least I know I do but the truth is though you might have a grand plan, the future is so flexible that you never really know how things will turn out. You might have a solid idea and know how you want to go about it but you still never really know, you know? (see what I did there?) A ridiculously simple analogy; next week Tuesday I know I would like to have breakfast because I love breakfast and I might have a strong idea of what, when, where and with who I’ll have breakfast but that could change. Now tell me, is it worth stressing about the really tiny details like who I’ll bump into on my way there or where I’ll sit? Again I might have an idea but it’s flexible and oh-so-subject to change. The game plan is I want breakfast next week Tuesday but I might end up having breakfast for dinner or lunch or eating something new other than my usual. So should I refuse to have breakfast because they had boiled eggs instead of scrambled eggs? Or I was meant to meet up with Xerxes but Damon ended up joining as well? It’s a journey with endless paths but one destination. Relating it to college life where there’s pressure to know what you want to do with your life, you will find yourself adding, subtracting, realigning and discovering your interests along the way. Your big or little picture will change subtly or drastically. You might come in working towards becoming a pediatrician treating axolotls (because they’re beautiful) in Venus but across the line you’re like nah, you prefer Mars… and algae-eating leopard fishes. I know, completely different planets and organisms! And if you’re someone like me that strongly prefers having things planned to the littlest details, then this situation could be VERY uncomfortable. But, it’s okay because change is good… sometimes. As young adults (and humans), we are constantly evolving so while it’s okay to freak out, use it as an opportunity to examine yourself from a different perspective. Explore a completely new side of yourself and with this discovery realign your big picture. Try being a little more flexible and open because it’s an important part of the college experience. So, as spectators of this puddle on the ground, we might know the general info on the travels of our dearest H2O friends but you can’t and don’t have to “see” the mouth that carries them from the ground. The water might travel different paths each time and end up in different places. They might not know what their journey holds but we both know one thing; it will leave the ground. Wow, such an un-spontaneous climax but we don’t want to worry about that, now, do we? This is my twist on it but I’m 1000% sure there are multiple sides that I didn’t touch on! So, share in the comments below and let’s start a convo! And yes, I LOVE axolotls and algae-eating leopard fishes! Always, Miss LAJA
LAJA Unseen #1 I decided to compile a few never before seen photos (more on my Tumblr) of what REALLY happens behind the scenes and throwbacks shots that had me scratching my head and cracking up. It’s so funny to admit that at some point, I felt like a G. Hmm, “All these poses I was sharing, Diariz God o!” This is what happens when you take photos yourself in front of a tripod… Alone. Some of my photos are taken by my friends and family members but I’d have to say about 90% of the photos you see on this site are taken by me and it’s something I take pride in. So, yes, a lot of interesting things happen behind the scene. Haha! #Fashionbloggerproblems. These “not-posing” poses take effort funny enough and you could say this is pretty close to how I am in real life. I have a bunch of head-scratching photos but maybe one day I’ll have the guts to unleash them all but for now, these will do. Find out the name of the pose above on my Instagram (@miss_laja). I hope you learn one or two new funky poses today! Enjoy! The “All I know is my side of the story” pose The “trying not to laugh when there’s nothing funny” pose The “jump fail” pose The “let me scratch my leg” pose The “one leg up + bone face”= stunting pose The “kiss my heels” or “look I can wear 5 inches” pose The “model my purse but not really” pose. The “acting like I saw my friend” OR “come look at this, come look at this!” pose The “ughh my head hurts but not really” pose The “grip your arm and look away” pose The “I’m about to fall but I must still pose” pose The “majestic walk up the stairs” pose The “I have a testimony” OR “posh church girl dance” pose The “show off your nails” pose The “stand in front of the camera and hope you look bad-ass” pose The “let me just run around and hope I look cute” pose Always, Miss LAJA
Ika Adage #8: Kola Trees Kola nuts are popular fruits in Western Africa. When I think of them, I imagine the scene in a Nollywood movie where it is served as an appetizer to a group of elders meeting at a chief’s or king’s house. More like a traditional snack for the elderly I would say and if you’re familiar with Nigerian (or West African) movies with traditional themes, you’ve definitely seen kola nuts. If not, you can learn more about it’s uses and benefits here and try watching a traditional Nollywood movie sometime. This adages addresses envy, jealousy and all the baggage that come’s with it. Wishing misfortune on someone who has done nothing to you or because he/she has progressed in some aspect of their life is wrong. Well, that sounds like a no brainer but what do we do when we find ourselves in such a situation? When we envy someone, we are so fixated on finding something, anything bad to pick out in them and guess what? You spend so much energy trying to find the faults in them and less energy working on and improving yourself. Sometimes you even find yourself disliking them for no reason at all. The funny thing is they are living their life while you’re wasting time, energy, and resources focusing on picking theirs apart. It won’t take you anywhere. Acting out on jealousy (spreading rumors or being intentionally mean etc) is tricky because it will eventually come back to you so “do onto others as you would have them do onto you”. Okay, your kola nut tree might grow, bear fruits and end up being just fine. You might even forget the incident and things go well for several years but life has a funny way of pulling us over at odd (and usually high) times. Oh hey, that sounds so much like karma, right? Don’t expect to grow or improve if you only have negative things to say about people around you. It’s important to realize that everyone is moving through life at different paces so stop comparing someone else’s chapter twenty with your chapter one. Whenever I find myself feeling envious of someone I just remember the wise sayings someone once told me; “Why would I[you] be angry at God for being so generous to his children with his gifts?” Isn’t that what jealously is? Believing and disliking the fact that someone is more favored or luckier than you are? Feeling bad that “great” things are happening to them and not you? It’s even worse when you thinking something along the lines of “I worked harder” or “my work is better” but hey, stop with the comparisons and don’t judge. If it was your time, YOU would be the person being celebrated. There is a time for everything and I believe there is an infinite amount of blessings/awesomeness to go around. Focus on you. Jealousy is an emotion and as humans we will feel it from time to time but what matters is not allowing it control our actions and thoughts. Take a step back and really ask yourself, why am I feeling this way? Does it really matter? Is it because A gets more likes on her Instagram photos than I do? Or B has a boyfriend and I don’t? Or C didn’t even put that much effort into the project but still had an A? A lot of times, the reasons lack substance. So instead of sulking over someone else’s promotion or fortune, celebrate with them if it’s something worthy of celebration. This is important because there are people who are “celebrated” for not-so-good reason. Always stay true to yourself. Don’t do something that deviates from your nature just because you want to be noticed. If there’s a great story behind the success, learn and be inspired by it. Let it motivate you. If not, bye Felicia! You don’t need it because it most likely won’t add value to your life anyways. Great minds think alike so surround yourself with great people. If the circumstance seems unfair, I believe things happen for a reason so as difficult as it sounds, let go and live your life. Your time too will come. Care for YOUR own kola tree instead of plotting ways to cut down others’. What are your thoughts on jealousy? How do you deal with it? Share in the comments below! And don’t forget to enter my giveaway here Always, Miss LAJA
Ika Adage #7: Shadows I’d like to see you try though. Don’t worry I’ll wait here till you’re done. 3,2,1… This adage isn’t challenging you to literally do the impossible but if you tried, A for effort but… You can’t outrun your shadow. Sorry. As long as you’re in contact with any sort of light and it casts on a surface, a shadow will always and forever form. Even inanimate objects have shadows; lamps, drinks, chocolate. No one and nothing is above it. On the contrary, it is addressing our fears, doubts, and insecurities; those things we don’t necessarily like to talk about but seems to be on our mind a tad too often. It could be a bad habit or an addiction. Whatever it is, no matter how big or small, it’s just always there. The bad news is that it will always be there if you don’t do something about it. The good news? You’re not alone and something can be done about it. Everyone has things that take a stab at their confidence but instead of trying to outrun it, why not face it head on? How are my outrunning your shadow you ask? By masking it with a facade, being in self denial (one of the worst things you can do to yourself in this life),the list goes on and on. Sometimes people turns to “temporary” means like alcohol and drugs to try and forget the situation but guess what? The shadow doesn’t go away. It will always be there if you choose to do nothing about it. While you’re busy avoiding the problem, this shadow could use the opportunity to fester and root itself deeper within you. Do yourself a favor, turn around and face it. I know it’s wayy easier said than done because overcoming fear or a habit takes a lot of effort and in short, it’s hard. But remember that you don’t have to do it alone. Ever. Go to someone you trust and share your burdens with them. Let it all out. I am Christian so I believe God is the ultimate problem solver because nothing is too big for him. Hard times are a part of life and they WILL pass. A problem shared is a problem half solved so quit wasting your energy trying to outrun something you know deep down you can’t outrun. It’s unnecessary time and energy wasted. We live in a society of competition. Everyone is trying to put their best foot forward and no one wants to be the “weak” person that can’t keep up or seems like they’re struggling. I can really relate to this because of the kind of school I attend. I grateful to attend Duke University and I’m not trying to brag but it is a top notch school and I’m surrounded by extraordinarily intelligent people all day, every day. Talk about pressure. For some strange reason, there is an underlying pressure to take (and excel in) super hard classes, be president of two clubs, play a varsity sport, do research in Dfbjdglgrtgret to hopefully discover rgbfdlsbf AND still have a banging social life. Most importantly, it needs to seem “effortless”. While I’m not saying there aren’t people with similar responsibilities who do fine, most times there is the pressure to not want to let people know that you’re struggling or that you need help at some point. But realistically speaking it’s complete puffpuff because hard work DOES take EFFORT no matter how “brush-off-the-shoulder” the final results seem. Effortlessness to an extent takes effort. Think about models on the runway for example. How much goes on behind the scenes but when you see them, FLAWLESS (Beyonce reference heree, haha) as if nothing happened. So why put yourself under such pressure? No one is perfect. It’s okay to break down and admit “Yes, I need help”. Who knows, this same all rounded person could also be suffering from a personal crisis or addiction or what not but doesn’t want to let in anyone so their image isn’t tarnished. After all, you choose what you want to show people, right? I’m not saying you should display your insecurities to the whole world for a pity party but don’t allow yourself drown in inner turmoil because of pride. Never let your reputation define who you are as a person. I digressed a tad but my point is to first of all acknowledge you have a problem because there is nothing worse than knowing something’s wrong but refusing to admit it. When you do, reach out for help because no matter what you’re going through, there are countless people who have (and are) going through same thing… In a lot of cases, even worse. You might be dead but you’re not. I’m taking a class that is focusing on refugees in Central and Northern Africa and when I read the accounts of their journeys to host countries, I was more than humbled and grateful. I always say, the “struggle is real” but that’s just child’s talk. For real, there are people out there that I have so much respect for and we will probably never meet. There are even more people with profound stories that have (and will) never been publicized by media. If you’re reading this right now, count yourself blessed. Stop running. Don’t let your shadows engulf you. They are shadows for a reason. What do you think? How do you deal with your insecurities or personal struggles? Share in the comments below! Always, Miss LAJA
Ika Adage #6: Firewood We all know how important firewood was (and still is) in the African culture. You could learn more background info from the fire adage. This adage applies to a lot of things in life from work to relationships etc but I’m going to relate it to school since well, it’s that time of the year. As young adults, we are at the stage where we’re “gathering firewood”. When night time comes, will you have enough to keep yourself warm? Or will you go begging others to lend you some? Don’t forget others are struggling to gather theirs as well. While there are a select few people who will genuinely share their wood with you, most won’t. It’s like film trick. Are your actions portraying that of a person will who will be confident in their efforts? As teenagers or young adults whichever you are, we are blessed to have time on our side and I’ve been told countless times by my parents that NOW is the time to build your foundation for the future. It’s a one time chance. Once you’ve missed it, you’ve missed it and it’s never coming back. Unfortunately, time waits for no one.You don’t need to know straight up what you want to be down to the smallest detail but whatever point in life you’re in, work hard. I mean, work like mad. Just do your best. Like everything in life I believe whatever is worth doing is worth doing well no matter how small. School‘s about to start and you might be happy, sad, nervous, or all of the above and that’s fine but be on top of your game from DAY ONE. Organize and prioritize work and play. Don’t leave things till last minute because if you don’t “gather your firewood” during the day AKA do your homework, go to class, work hard then you will hardcore freeze at night it won’t even be funny. God forbid, I wish that for no one so before I get carried away, I have a post you should check out where I go in-depth on handling the hassles of school life. Believe it or not (you better believe), the decisions you make today really do stick with you. Forget what other people are doing and do you regardless of what anyone has to say. You shouldn’t follow what everyone is doing because you’re afraid to stand alone. Why? In the end you will be the one to answer and face the consequences of your decisions. In the end you’re picking your firewood and the other person is picking theirs even when you decide to pick together. Yes, it’s easier said than done but practice makes perfect. Start picking. I was randomly looking at internships for next summer (what? it’s never too early) and while filling out the online form, they asked me for my SAT and ACT scores. Would you believe my shock? It’s been what, 2 years since I last smelt the dark and scary prison cells of the exam rooms (yes, I really did hate subject tests) and it just won’t leave me alone. You see where I’m coming from? Even with your relationships with people. You never know, that person you were once mean or nice to might be the person you’ll need to turn to for help. You could save a life using the CPR skills you learnt once upon a time. You just never know. Life works in mysterious ways. My point is… Work HARD. Stay humble. Gather your firewood. Treat everyone with respect. Be YOUR best. Be YOURself. Pray. Fill your mind and heart with positivity. And just live…in the woods with your bonfire. As this new school session starts and you journey through life, may you be the best firewood gatherer you can be… Always, Miss LAJA
Ika Adage #5: Flies Quick Update: Thank you to everyone that voted for me in the Sarah P Duke “Water” themed photo contest! We won and I couldn’t be more grateful! Love you guys! *doing the happy dance* Doesn’t this sound like something an African parent would tell you while disciplining you for misbehaving? Let’s imagine a typical scenrio. A koboko in one hand while pulling in an exaggerated manner on their left ear which technically means YOU should open your ears because… *insert typical tone of an angry African parent with appropriate gestures and body language* “The stubborn fly (you) that fails to listen to the master follows the corpse to the grave. I hope you have heard? Ehen!” In the African culture it was (and still is) a taboo to question or disobey your elders because there is a strong correlation between age, wisdom and respect. In a not so short phrase, you must respect your elders not because they are always right but because they have been on this Earth longer than you have therefore they are wiser which technically always makes them right. I know, can a youngster ever win? My fellow Africans can attest to the consequences when you fall out of line… It’s like digging your own grave. Hmm, and there will be blood o! This adage is counseling people especially youths to heed to the advice given by parents or elderly figures knowing that (most times) they are right and good parents always have your best interest at heart. Being older and often wiser, they are in a better position to impact on you words of wisdom that could help you better navigate this roller coaster we call Life. Experiences can (and do) make us wiser but in some situations, it is better to learn from lessons of others especially those situations that are negative and hard to “bounce back” from. A child who is counseled over and over again but fails to listen CANNOT say he/she wasn’t told when he/she suddenly finds him/herself in the same situation their parents/elders were trying to protect them from. As the saying goes, “You can force a horse to the river but you cannot force him to drink.” All in all, no matter the relationship you have with your parents and how much you feel like screaming or cussing them out (be careful on this one) especially if you didn’t get your way in something or you’re being punished. Remember they do love you and good parents want the best for you. Trying seeing from their point of view why they did what they did or said what they said. Give them some credit. They are more knowledgeable in life issues and want to protect you from making silly mistakes. Mistakes they might have made themselves, who knows? When I think about all the things my parents told me and I would sulk and moan like crazy back then, now I really get where they were coming from. Sometimes, we just need to mature more to really “see” things. It’s one thing for your parents to be “too tough” on you and another thing if they leave you unguided and you end up saying in regret “I wish I knew” or “I was never told”. Which would you prefer? Even If they flogged or insulted your life, take a step back and think about why they did or said what they did. Just swallow it. You’ll be surprised, they make the best childhood stories. Haha! Flies already have it tough for real but like my hostel matron once said, “may we not lead ourselves to our destruction.” Keep quiet, listen and think. Thoughts, anyone? Share in the comments below! Always, Miss LAJA
Ika Adage #4: Fire Back in those days when there were no gas or electronic cookers, the primary way of cooking was with fire wood (a much smaller version of a bonfire). Since there were no fire extinguishers either, after the wood had been taken out, one would blow out the fire with their mouth or water was sprinkled on it. Now, here’s the tricky part with using water. When you sprinkle a little on the fire, it is aggravated first before it starts to die out. So, you can imagine trying to put out fire (made with fire wood) with water from your mouth. Yup, it’s never going to happen. Okay, let’s try imagining this situation. Firstly, you’ll most like NOT put out the fire and secondly, you’ll wet yourself or choke on the water. What if it was a life or death situation… Ha! We know what’s going to happen there. You remove the water from your mouth THEN blow out the fire. Simple, right? In real life, it makes more sense to tackle a challenge or goal before advancing onto the next. Taking things one step at a time to avoid overwhelming yourself. While it is not against multitasking, it does advice against doing tasks that contradict one another. For example; attempting to sprint with a huge backpack on your back and full hands. Or trying to inhale and swallow at the same time. In order to achieve the most from your tasks, there must be order. Organization, setting your priorities, taking things one step at a time.Indeed the power of organization. I can really relate to this because I have those days (we all do) where I just have so much on my plate and I think “Yup, I’ve got this” and I’m juggling 5 things at a time, feeling like a boss then it gets to a point where I realize “No, I don’t got this” and I see I haven’t really gotten much done and all I want to do is just dive into bed and sleep my responsibilities away. If only that were a good option. While this seems pretty obvious, there are times (eg school) when we unknowingly find ourselves trying to put out a fire with water in our mouth. Guilty. And that’s fine. Take things slowly and figure out your priorities. It helps having people who remind you to take a break when you don’t remember yourself. Avoid doing things doing things that contradict themselves. Just remember to take a step back, breathe, spit out the water… No, spit out the water first, breathe THEN try putting out the fire. Or you could get a bucket. Or just run. What do you do when you’re feeling overwhelmed? Share in the comments below! Always, Miss LAJA